Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Screwed.edu
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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