every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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