You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
