how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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