Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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