I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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