If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize