you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
