guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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