Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
