exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
