Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
