Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
