Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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