if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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