just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
