when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
