I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
