So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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