dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
