i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize