i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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