Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
