Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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