He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
