It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
