May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
