Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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