tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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