Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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