i just wanna soil my oats bro
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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