too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
