Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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