So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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