She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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