You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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