New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize