Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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