I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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