what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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