Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
