I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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