trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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