Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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