thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
