Soap is not a condiment
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
