ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
