We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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