what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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