Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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