Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
