it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
