sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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