I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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