why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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