Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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