There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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