He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
