I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
