anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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