Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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