ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
