I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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