Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize