I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
