I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
