just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
