youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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