You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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