You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize