It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
