what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Houston, we have a blender
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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