guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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