I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We are two peas in an std pod
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
