so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
