I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
