Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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