He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
