so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well you can't waste a boner
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
